You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
