dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
