god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
