if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
