They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
