He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
