In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
