He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
