when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
