I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
