I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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