If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
