I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
