You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
