If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
