I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize