me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
