i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
