I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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