i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
