porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
