Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
