It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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