i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
