Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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