yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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