I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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