the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize