Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
