Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
