I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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