one might say we're banned from that church
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Randomize
