I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
