So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
When are your genitals available?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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