I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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