ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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