Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
