Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
