I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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