Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
