Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
