non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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