I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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