so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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