used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize