yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
