did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize