hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
