OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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