I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize