no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
