I'm lost and stupid without you.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
