I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
