we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
