The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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