do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
