the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
