So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
