I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
we're so committed to being not committed
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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