worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
