dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
