no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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