Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
