Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
