Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I will be naked everywhere
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Sorry about my life...
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I think I just sharted jello shots
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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