Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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